"Dream high as the highest star, so even if you fall, you fall around the stars."

This advice from a friend resonated deeply with me when I shared my hesitation about applying to high-ranking universities. Coming from a less prestigious private university for my bachelor’s degree, I doubted my worthiness for a spot in such institutions. Therefore, I was really late when I applied for M uni back in June. 

Surprisingly, I got an offer this morning—an offer that I thought would never come to my mailbox. I've spent days emailing the admissions to expedite my application. However, they couldn't do it somehow. So, I stopped waiting and wrapped my scholarship application two days ago. 

When I received the email this morning, I was happy and excited and could not believe that I had a chance to study on the World's high-rank campus. Then I remembered that I had submitted my application 2 days ago on the regular pathway had a higher passing grade requirement compared to the pathway for the world's top universities, which had a lower threshold. I told 3 of my friends about this matter. Initially, they supported me to unsubmit my application and reapply with my newest offer from M uni. 

Yet, I felt unsure about this suggestion, hence, I keep checking the documents. I have so many things to do if I plan to reapply with this new offer. To be very honest, I was overwhelmed, which made me cry. Firstly, after I calmed myself, I checked the document offer and found a typo for a particular deadline, which was resolved after I contacted the university's representative. I finally got the new offer revised with the right date.

The next challenge was revising my essay. I had spent two pressure-filled weeks refining it with my mentors, ensuring every detail was perfect. Rewriting it to align with M Uni's specifics, especially given their different specializations, seemed impossible. Panic set in as I struggled to find appropriate substitutions for the research center and courses mentioned in my essay.

I decided to stick with my regular application with some considerations. Firstly, I didn't want to present an essay I wasn’t confident about to the interviewers. Past experiences taught me that doubt in my writing undermines my performance. Starting with a strong foundation felt crucial.

Secondly, with less than 16 hours to unsubmit, revise, and resubmit everything, I knew I couldn't work efficiently under such pressure. The fear of making regrettable mistakes due to panic was real. Despite a friend’s encouragement to take advantage of the privilege offered by the world's top university pathway, I wanted to submit an application that reflected my best effort from the start.

Lastly, I thought about my mentors who had supported me through this process. I hadn't informed them about my acceptance to M Uni, and I didn’t want to cause them anxiety with a sudden change in plans. Respecting their hard work and sticking to our current plan seemed like the right choice.

After I made this decision, I told my friends for good affirmations. Would I regret not revising and resubmitting my application? Should I have tried harder for a better chance? I don't know. However, despite these doubts, I decided to trust myself for mydecision.

I believe I made the best decision for myself, at least for now. Though it may be the longer route with a higher passing grade requirement, I feel that I can prepare myself better for interviews and I'm also more confident in my current application than making the new one. M Uni is impressive, but it doesn't fit perfectly with my plans.

Choosing the world's top university pathway wouldn’t guarantee success without hard work. I trust God's plan, I believe if it’s meant to be, it will be. No matter what pathway I take on this scholarship, if it's written in God's plan, it will be. I will continue doing my best, trusting that the right opportunities will come at the right time.

In moments of self-doubt, I remind myself that doing my best within my capacity and being brave enough to pursue what I truly need is more important than forcing perfection just because others say so. To complete what my friend said about dreaming as high as the highest star, so even if you fall, you fall around the stars, I believe it's also important to choose stars that won't make you fall. Let’s see where this journey takes me!

Best,

Ayu